"We'll Always Have Paris"

Dr Rodolfo Llinas, a neuroscientist, was once asked for his opinion on eternal love and replied: "That is the preserve of geniuses alone". Outrageous as it may be, this statement nevertheless contains a grain of truth and offers a useful insight into how we assess romantic relationships.

Llinas suggests that we should never take the success of our romantic relationships for granted. To envisage the highest form of intelligence at work in a couple’s future is to recognise just how far from easy it is to manage the conflicts that are bound to arise when the passage of time, routine and wear and tear… leave a daily residue of hostility that challenges the very reality and survival of our relationship. When nothing seems to be going smoothly, an inner voice asks us: ‘Is this what I signed up for?’ And yet, whilst partners retreat into the very same positions that prevent them from overcoming their torments, they continue to devote the most solemn of affections to one another: every wound is a case file, every argument a melodrama.

Counselling can help you identify abusive behaviour and set the sort of boundaries needed to rebuild a relationship on a healthy footing or, where necessary, to prepare for a considered break-up.